Not your fault :)

Last night, I realized I'd rather not know. And last night, as much as I like CARE about you and want to be yours with you, I didn't want to know or have anything to do with your feelings towards me or anyone else. 

whatthebogiswrongwithme? -.-

This is confusing. I hate being in loveLIKE. (according to nis :) ) Apparently I am pathetic when enchanted. Well, I can see that now. My dependancy level went up. And that sucks :( I should re-think being with someone, no?

Tuition was canceled today, how nice :) I spent the whole day faffing around and playing video games with ze bruzas :D 

The word "love" disgusts me currently. I feel like hurling out everything I ate for lunch. Urgh. 

WHY DO I CARE =.=

Meh. Get over this Alicia, you're stronger than that.

NEWS FOR JB PEOPLEEEEE :

on Sunday! which is eerr, the 6th! Lets meet up for dinner. I was thinking TGI but if you have anymore ideas of places we can go and eat where it is CHEAP. bahaha, or not ;P Invite yourselves. Will mention when and where, when i know :D

oh, I'm back into my inspired mode, which to those who know me obviously mean I'm depressed beyond help of my LSF :( how nice.

...boy, i don't know what to do with you...

xx

No hope.

My wonderful camera USB has decided to lose itself. How nice, and I haven't blogged for a week or so trying to find a cable. How pathetic. I've given up and will go buy one sooner or later, till then, anyone have a USB for this model? ;

I only have pictures from TGI Fridays, and I'm only uploading some because, well, I've trouble downloading the rest from Isaac. But nevertheless, this will feed all of my non-existant/imaginary readers till I find a cable i hope.

Sweetest picture of the night. M.U.T.C.Y (BAHAHA) don't kill me :P

Isaac, Joyce, Mindy, Roa, Mae.

Awww :) My granddaughter & my grandson-in-law? 

(inside joke okay)

the 10yearold-actually 13yearold boy isaac :D

Black, white, grey :) Mae wore a dress for me.

Roa loves me for that. TEEHEE.

The fact that everyone was going down to KL or in KL while I was in JB finally made me realize we need to plan next time. Our BRCC days of "last-min-fun" has died. :(

I'll continue blogging some other day about Singapore and Nis and everything. My fucking excuse of a dad and bitch of a mom aren't making my day.

...I guess you really do mean alot to me...

xx

Can't stand it.

Johor Bahru!

I'm HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME HOME!!!

whooo~

Its just that no one makes me feel this way.

Holidays started. Holy mommah I've never felt so happy. Despite that, I'm only leaving for JB tonight. Dad has some day-forum thingy at work. Grr, this sucks. To add to that, I'm at grandma's house. Where there is really little water =.= Guess what I ate for dinner yesterday. Toast and scrambled eggs. BAHA. Oh well :) Its pretty German I guess.

My cousin and I went out to shisha yesterday. Excuse used :

 

"Oma I feel like eating rice tonight so Liyana and I will be going to the mamak stall :D"

HAHA :D I feel so mean. Oh well :) Off to Safa, teehee! I was reminded of seeing Adib there. Oh gees, so obviously and naturally I asked if he wanted to join. No reply =.= Fine. But, someone just HAD to call, and him and his buddy just HAD to join. HAHA I felt like laughing. Anyways, they got high, after like 30 mins? Heeee! I wasn't feeling a thing. Oh well, this just further proves that women are better than men. AHAHA.

Vivaldi is lame. Daddy just got back from JB, and I'm leaving tonight. :( Poor baby. I don't know what to do! And CIS prom is on Friday. I don't know what to do! 

I need cuticle oil :( bleh. He ran out of credit, and I will too, very soon. I have realized how empty I feel. Or maybe I just think I feel empty when I'm whole and I'll be looking for something that doesn't exist because well, its already with me, no? The first wave of SPM is over, about 2 more waves to go. My excitement level has heightened by a mile. This coming week will be interesting/fun/good. I'm sure of it.

"Love is for the weak." "Its okay to be weak, because I'm here to protect you"

... somehow, he makes me feel whole...

xx

I made you crack. Too simple.

"Its different when you do it on purpose, or when they just can't accept they aren't perfect. And then look who's calling who insecure"-A.

I think, I think my mom is hilarious. Not the MLIA type of hilarious. I think the kinda she's-going-into-menopause kinda hilarious. She's shouting at me at 7.30 am trying to get me to hurry up for school. Like, HELLO WE LIVE LIKE 10 MINS AWAY =.= grr.

Just had class party. Was pretty entertaining. Where's my BazelNut :( haih, school is depressing, school is pretty bleak. Honestly. Can't wait for holidays. I can't stand another Mr Alvin class, though I always escape. teehee. :D Am most probably skipping report card day, only to visit my dearest home, 300km away, maybe 400 km on Monday ;D. Think about it, 1 more day, then I'm off to JB. Ecstasy is what I'm feeling.

Honestly, I feel so emptayy! I have this feeling of routine in life, and knowing me it pretty sucks. I also think that people are empty too. Allie told me that family has history of depression/mass-histeria. WHOA. Isn't it scary, when you feel like you're so empty when life is actually whole? Or is it....?

"I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you."- or is it too much to ask?

SPM started today. Here I am thinking about twinnie, and how she's doing. I'm also wondering about my Singapore friends who're took their O's. I'm feeling guilty that I'm detached from the dates of O levels. I didn't wish Laling, Hykal, Kipas, Syaaaaaafiq and even the loser syafiq who broke my heart and everyone else good luck. And now its over, and they're waiting for their results. 

Then there are my classmates, schoolfriends. I'm going back there in 4 days. I'm reaaaaally excited. On monday morning, I'm gonna get on a bus at 8 and be there at 8.30-9.30. GAH EXCITEMENT.

I AM STUCK WITH SHINYICHONG WATCHING GLEE. HAHAH. will continue blogging later.

... and now we can't talk till he's done with SPM...

xx

MLIA-ing

Today, was boring. Today, was bleak. Last night, made me wanna cry.

THANKS FOR THE PICTURES! 

You know what, I love my macbook for some crazy reason. Its like out of the blue. TeeHee, can't wait to get my iLife 09'. I also can't wait till Friday. Its 2 days away. TWO, DUA, ER, NALA (?) and Class Outing is like, 6 days away. 6 6 6 6 6 6 6 6!!!!! whooaaa :D

Today had another photography session. My Baldi is demented. Everyone at Bukit Kiara enjoyed the pictures. Haha, when they're up on Facebook, I'll have alot of tagging to do :P

Oh, I find it PATHETIC the way people just SAY stuff to sound cool/ignorant/indifferent. Please okay. I notice all this, it just that I don't really DO anything about it. losers.

I hear MJ's THIS IS IT on tv. Oh mommy =.=

...i thought everything was fine...

xx

But I can't tell you what I don't know,

I hate DRAMA. Especially when its so NOT needed. Honestly. BAH

Why is it people like me and Shazia always get picked on. Nyehh.

Nothing happened today, it was just very bleak. HAHA Though today was the first time I went for tuition in a long time. So yeahh.

...he cares, like seriously...

xx

PONTENG. HA!

Hello, 

did you know some people have PRIDE ?

and did you know some people just don't like us?

and did you know we have to accept that?

did you know PRIDE makes everything harder?

yes, yes, yes, and yes. rawr.

I am in BED. I am TIRED. I am still HALF ASLEEP. nyaaaaha! :D I wish holidays started on Friday. 3 more days of grusome school. Teeeheee! Skipping report card day. No. 52, Jalan Suria Muafakat 2, Taman Suria Muafakat. Here I come! Omg, The last time I was in JB was when? :O

Okay, I'll continue my long life story tonight, people piling up on MSN.

Lil One is FINALLY talking to me like after forever okay. haha!

... the two of us can just go on and on....

xx

Odd 2 Even

OH MY GOD I JUST FIGURED OUT SOMETHING REALLY POINTLESS! ha =.=

Bare with me okay;

3 Days till ... ( i'd rather not say okay! >.<)

5 Days till ... JB! JB! JB! oh, its report card day too, but whatever.

8 Days till ... Singers!!

and and and! 8+3 = 11. 

AND!

 11-5 = 6.

teeheee!!

I bet I've told a thousand people already, but AGAIN! ;

6.6.1995.

(1+9)+(9+5)

=10+14

=24

2+4

=6

6.6.6. :D

I am now thanking the superstition for "devils day" 6 is a really cool number :D

oh well, will now start on my book. Good news for Eda. HAHA. You'll have the books in 3 days.

... right, so i think he's sweet...

xx

I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you.

"I'm not saying I'm the best, or even better than you. I just know that I can do so much better than where I am now, and its not my fault that I know my best would beat you to the ground. Its just freaking natural, bitch" - A.

wow, confidence spur much.

I find it stupid when people iconize people like Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, etc. and quote them like a freaking worshipper, yet, they only uphold that "confidence" without the class, grace, mannerisms and extras. Then they just come off as fucking bitchy. Oh well, let people do as they please!

Bukit Kiara show is OVER. WHOO! Imagine if I did this every weekend. No longer would I have the pleasure of waking up at 9 :( Well, not that I wake up at 9 anyways. Everyday, without fail, I would be awake before 7.45. Seriously, even on weekends. I love my horses for that.

Prelim 1A = 10th place (57 %)  (please, don't laugh. and yes. My "bestfriend" beat me.)

Yet, I will listen to Cheyenne and be happy for her, as that 61% will be the best test she will ever do in her life. Bitch alert!

Novice 2A = 4th place (58.something %)

Prelim 1B = 2nd place (67.6%)

Novice 2B = 4th place (58.8%)

Prelim 1C = 5th place (63.64%)

Novice 2C = 2nd place (61.56%)

Am not happy with any of my tests. Not even prelim 1B, I could have done a mile better. grr

Weekend shows are fun :) Tiring, but very very fun. Stressful to an extent too, but oh well. Fun comes with some kinda loss right? Oh, my 70-80 jumping was amaeeezing. LOL He spooked like a bitch so I was too tense in the arena anyways to get a clear round. OH WELL.

I have 7 new books. Yes, 7. And 4 of them are like 800 pages. HA HA HA. Am stocking up for my lonely holidays. :( At this time of the year, I would be with my friends in JB making very stupid videos every day. Or at least I would be with seeing someone and we'd be meeting up. Or whatever. This year, everything changed. Gah.

oh, bytheway. There's this boy...

xx

WHOA

INSECURITIES.

my god.

shaz knows what I'm talking about.

Oh well :)

xx

Wake Up.

Oh well! I have the flu. :( Need to study my tests for later. Meh, Curse of Friday the 13th. HAHA =.= Byebye championships lah I guess. Then again, I shall see how Baldipoo feels. 

Am obviously not feeling my best today. Slept at 9 yesterday and just woke up few mins ago. Hallelujah for Berocca. I think things are getting to me. Thank god for Alia. 

Yes, my ego/pride is getting the better of me. And yes what MGY said is truee! Oh the joy of going back home. 

Primary concert yesterday was pure pain okay, Aisya and I walked to 711 in the rain. I've the flu because of that. NGEH =.= But I'm pretty sure Mrs. Maha, Hazel and Aisya are all happy we've ended. The.Kids.Can.Kill. GAH.

I need to go get the passport sized pictures now. I also need to figure out my competition stuff later. Bleh, really.

I'm SO lucky I don't have groupies.

10 mothafing days more.

xx

I HAVE THE FLUUU :O

EXHAUSTED.

Riding

Primary Rehersal

711 in the rain

Primary Concert.

Motherf.

11daysmorehallelujah.

damnit,imcrushingonyou!

xx

Sore, Cough, Sneeze. DAMN IT.

Have caught the FLU. :( This mothereffing S U C K S. Will ride the sniffles away tomorrow morning. Jump the virus away!! Ngeh.

xx

"Don't talk to her! She's a bitch!" "I'll just leave!" "Oh shit no, come back. I miss you" - sound familliarrr?? :D

12 12 12 12 12 12!!! Ho yeeeaaahh :D

Yay, today was another A-MAE-ZING™ day :D Helped the cute widdle pwimawy kids with their dance again, spent the whole day, yes it included Mr. Alvin's lesson, in the community hall. Iskandar scared the bejeepers out of me. Hope he does it to the audience :D Yet, SOMEBODEH left me alone to separate a group of primary kids into two, which was an epic FAIL. Kids love me, I hate kids. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?!

BazelNut said something todaaaay! And it got me thinking. Oh lord. :(

Okay, I have accepted the fact that its FATE and that him and I should have NOTHING to do with each other. It was a one time fall, and I shall not fall any further. The fact that I didn't go there because I couldn't, for two days straight have made it pretty obvious. It is a sign.

Why are you always there for me? Despite being in tuition? Or studying. And come on, we can't be together. EVER. Its just W R O N G okay. Meehhh, Life has a freaaaking weird idea of this okay. Yes I think you are, reeaaally good looking, and VERY nice, cheesy too sometimes, but still, This Will Not Happen :)

N, what you said to me, before you went off.

I need to say "fuck you!" for that.

xx

ECSTATIC

THIS IS SO OVERRATED.

grr.

BITCH BITCH BITCH! Go away. Go back to JB, NEVER come back. Its not MY fucking fault I''m not happy okay. YES i KNOW that there wouldn't be a "perfect" school. But its hard to concentrate on one thing when something else is bugging me. You should REALIZE that I've TRIED. I'm still TRYING. 

STOP SCREAMING AT ME WHEN WE CAN FUCKING TALK LIKE FUCKING ADULTS MOTHERFUCKINGBITCHKANINA

=.= urghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Go away, Mother. I fucking HATE you. G A H.

Whatever, ultimate bitch off my mind now :)

Homygodsingaporeclasstripisinlike13dayshomygod!

I am THIS excited. :D But I'm also THIS sad that that might be the last time I'm back in JB/Singapore for a very very long time. mehh. 

Played Captain's Ball , everything from my shirt to my legs to my hands got covered in mud mud mud mud dirrrty mud! Ho' wells :D It was reaaally! fun :) Helped the little primary kids with their dance along with BazelNut™ (heeeheeee!) Enjoyed today :) Even Vivaldi was better than usual. Yay me/him :D

Traaaaalalalalala~ Its fate okay Alicia, accept that. F A T E. Nyaha. 

Okay, about the traffic light party! I don't know if I should go, or not. Saturday evening, then Sunday morning I is competing. Hmm, if I ride from like 8am till like 5pm then party from 7 till 12, sleep from 1 till 7 and ride from 8 till 12. HOLY SHIT I WILL DIE ON MONDAY. HA HA HA :D

NEXT! What should I wear? I is a yellooooowww! Yet, I am still counted as GREEN. Should I go in green and use that killer Miss Sixty top? Nyeh.

Oh whatever.

Will figure my life out tomorrow,

xx

ECSTATIC!

Its been too long and I'm lost without you.

I MET SEXY. ho'yeah :D

this sexy is as in Jacob Black with short hair sexy okay.

SERIOUSLY.

Been skipping school!

My weekends were very interesting :) Especially SUNDAY. Well, Saturday was the reason SUNDAY was like THE sunday of my life. THE best day okay. THE. T H E. HAHAHAHA =.= Gosh.

Okay, spent my weekends with cousins. And yes, unfortunately one of them is DAMN DAMN hot. SAD. We're related. Genetically, we'd have ugly kids if anything happened. Not that I was thinking about anything. HAHA. SPM is around the corner for him, and I'm like disturbing him. Gee,

ITS OKAY! Cousin has hot guy friends. Though I swore to be a nun, whatever. Nuns look, they just say they don't. I think? 

 

My nails are still the awesome black base and blue tip french manicured, and I have school tomorrow. I need the pictures for Wilayah too. Damn it. I wish; school was over. And I wish, I had trained for BK show this weekend. GAH.

so little time, so many things i could do.

xx

I'M FREAKING IN LOVE AGAIN.

Life is short, live it to the fullest - according to everyone.

I think we live for tomorrow, today :)

Pictures pictures at BK. It was very entertaining. Spent lunch/brunch with Lyss and people at the Curve. Lyss was nice enough to drag me thereee. Later on in the afternoon I went looking for my cat (wink wink Arif) with Lyss and neighbours. HA HA HA. I'm sure we had fun eh? When lyss went back I continued looking with neighbours. :D good fun good fun. Adam and I had the most amazing talk about everything/anything while the rain was pouring. Yes, he is very good looking. LOL I wonder who felt so lonelyyy! Not likely he would be reading my blog. STILL :O

Parents home-ed and they came over. Brothers were entertained by the presence of not one, but TWO guys in the house. HAHAHA. Mom was babbling about keeping my room door closed. =.= HELLO I WONT DO ANYTHING LAH AIYOOOO =.= As good looking/nice/sweet/hilarious he may be. I WILL CONTROL MYSELF. Limit limit limit must i have a limit :(    Gah! Oh well, I've more things to worry about!

Cempaka's got talent is one. What freaking instrument do I play!! I don't even have a piano at home, how how how how do i practice Alicia Key's - If I ain't got you? okay, am I even IN it? hmm!

BKECR show on the 14,15. It totally clashes with the traffic light party. And if I'm going I need to look for a YELLOW dress. Well of course I could see how much magic would be made till Saturday night. Then again, I'm still thinking about going GREEN for good lah. Its so annoying. =.=

REAL ISSUE: TP on 14th night. If I'm like competing next morning, i so should not party. Holy mommah!

16 days. Can't wait.

iwishicouldtellyounowandmakeeverythingeasierbutican't.

motherf.

itsthechase.Idonotwantaboyfieee

xx

STUPID CBL RUINING MY CHANCES OF SURRRVIVAL.

I FREAKING MISS EVERYONE LAH PLEASE.

19 days. motherf.

Class outing is like so far awayyyy!

That means me going back to JB is also so far awayyyy!

Geez, even Hanna is so near yet so far awayyyy!

Just down the road. Divided by a road, and lazyness to walk.

geeesh.

Having CBL now. Which is practically this huge-ass research paper. Gah. Am stuck with the VIDEO portion. Where is Maepea my video buddy when i need her?!?! Nyaaah! Even like, Vince says my story line is hard. Gee, I miss the BRCC & SYF teams. Holy mommah!

I really am looking forward to like going back to JB and Singapore. I have been separated from sanity for soo effing long. I am losing my mind/confidence/self-esteem/life/blood/tears/sweat/mind (didn't i just say this?)/friends. Haih life's like this, no?

Video buddy/superpea. 

I miss b-b-b-boyfriend tooo! Gawd, SYF.

GAH.. Everyone is all over the place now.

Imagine that.

ho'mygodihaven'tfiguredoutifistillwannatalktoyouornot.

jeesh!

xx

You know that thing you do when you're damn sad and depressed and feel like everything is a fuck? Where's my Ralfie?

[11/2/09 6:26:55 PM] Aly ;D: i'm not okay with this whole moving to a new place thingy

[11/2/09 6:27:03 PM] Aly ;D: i wanna go back to JB where my friends are

[11/2/09 6:27:06 PM] Aly ;D: and school in SG

[11/2/09 6:27:11 PM] Aly ;D: and graduate at 16

[11/2/09 6:27:14 PM] Aly ;D: and wake up at 4am

[11/2/09 6:27:19 PM] Aly ;D: and fool around in customs

[11/2/09 6:27:30 PM] Aly ;D: and piss off the security guards

[11/2/09 6:27:38 PM] Aly ;D: and run around CWP after school

[11/2/09 6:27:43 PM] Aly ;D: playing hide and seek,

[11/2/09 6:27:50 PM] Aly ;D: which we usually only for likw 3 mins

[11/2/09 6:27:55 PM] Aly ;D: then give up cuz we're tired

[11/2/09 6:28:06 PM] Aly ;D: and do homework at the quadrangle

[11/2/09 6:28:14 PM] Aly ;D: i wanna talk to MGY,

[11/2/09 6:28:26 PM] Aly ;D: and complain about everyone, everything and feel so much better after

[11/2/09 6:28:37 PM] Aly ;D: i wanna be a part of 2A again

[11/2/09 6:29:48 PM] Aly ;D: i wanna go nuts during english lesson with my group and hear Dominic talk about dumping being thrown everywhere, and killing syafiq in the process

[11/2/09 6:30:08 PM] Aly ;D: forcing bal to take pictures with me, hanging out with nat after school

[11/2/09 6:30:14 PM] Aly ;D: there is sooo much to miss :(

[11/2/09 6:30:30 PM] Aly ;D: and th only thing in KL that makes me happy is vivaldi and riding

[11/2/09 6:30:43 PM] Aly ;D: but how can that last ??

[11/2/09 6:30:56 PM] Aly ;D: I've lost so much self esteem and self confidence

[11/2/09 6:31:00 PM] Aly ;D: i lost my charm and everything

[11/2/09 6:31:02 PM] Aly ;D: urgh :(

[11/2/09 6:31:10 PM] Aly ;D: this. fucking. sucks.

Do you know what it feels like to miss these little things?

I miss everyone, everything about schooling in Singapore.

I miss my FRIENDS.

hey cempakans, learn the word.

No, I'm not coping well.

Yes,  I feel like dying.

Yes, that motherfuckingstupidbloodydamnassbitch is getting to me.

and so is everything else.

I can't wait to go back to JB. I wanna see mae, and crycrycry.

I can't wait for class outing in Singapore.

Am going literally crazy.

Shit, i want my life back.

xx

Bitches in the hallwayyy!!!

I just watched Jennifers Body with Bazel, Adilah, Jasmine and DON :P

IT.IS.THE.SHIT.

Was faffing around 1Utama since 11, blah, i feel like a minah. HA HA HA. No I don't, I don't know why i should even feel like one at all. Ate New York New York's breakfast. 

Come on, one pathetic T-Bacon?!?! You can't be friggin serious!! Oh well, life's like that. G A H.

After the movie we went to get some neoprints done, then Bazel and I went off to shop shop shop! Fell in love with a dress from Guess && a few from Zara. I still need to look for a leather jacket. meh, need to go around BV2. They usually have stuff that can fit me there. 

As much as people say I shouldn't complain, I will. I hate being so disproportionate, as skinny as people think i am. Long legs, fat-ass, teeny waist (no I'm not proud of it) zilch, for boobs. Like =.=! Come on, 27-24-34 IS NOT nice. GAH :'( I can't starve myself, because there is nothing to starve off, and I can't fattyfy myself either, cuz then I'll have fatter legs and bum :(

GAH, whatever whatever. I do not care about my freaking body.

No I don't :)

No one is online. :( Life is boring. Thank god I rode this morning. Vivaldi and I are getting back on track! Az, better watch out, B I Y A T C H. Then again, I'm so much better than you anyways, because I wonder who's winning the level your getting 42% for. Loser. Urgh.

some people piss.me.off.

as much as I'd like not to care, I have to be a bitch once in a while.

I need to feed my insecurities. ho' well :)

I saw Lyss at 1Utama :D heh, surprise, surprise. Didn't get to ask her about Aussie though. Oh well, will have a chat in school eh? *wiggles eyebrows*

Ozzie Mozzie was supposed to call me since God Knows When.

HAHAHA. I just realizeddd!!!

Oh my god, I can't find my dress in the Zara catalouge!! :O

suckerish. mothaf lah.

rawr.

imissyouactuallyquiteterriblythoughiknowitsweirdandeverything. HAHA

xx